proud to be an american(?)

“that’s one person in half a billion then,”
the instructor replies.

the class laughs, i smile sheepishly,
sink a little lower into my chair.

this is not the first time in my travels that
i hear this kind of perception regarding americans
(and it isn’t my first time hearing it in class, either).

when the media reports americans hoarding food,
stories of gun violence and hate crimes,
kids partying on the beach in the middle of
a p a n d e m i c,

my international friends say,
typical americans.

but, that statement seems like an oxymoron to me:
what is a typical american? being american
doesn’t seem to have the same implications
as being japanese, french, kenyan –

we’re a m e l t i n g pot brought to a boil
over the kindling of indigenous people
b u r n e d – and now, 300 years later,

what is american?
status: its complicated.

heterogeneous: a myriad of different cultures,
peoples, thoughts: and that isn’t to say there
isn’t a b l a n k e t culture, but the thing is

its more of a q u i l t.

a compilation of different patches, each one
a world in and of itself but somehow sewn together,
connected by a needle and threat, s t i t c h e d,

is the sum greater than its p a r t s?
(i don’t know).

//sitting in the back of a taxicab in romania
the driver asks us where we’re from,
america, we say; he t a k e s off on the gasoline
of corruption and capitalism and conspiracy

as abruptly as b r a k e s at the red light
why do you want to bomb us? he asks

what? i don’t think we want to bomb you,
NO. why you do YOU want to bomb us?
…i don’t want to bomb anyone —
all americans want to bomb us.
they want to bomb everyone.

i get told i’m different than “most americans”
most americans they say, are loud, pushy, arrogant,
don’t listen, not interested in other people or ideas,
they care only about themselves, they think they
are the most important person in the r o o m –

&sometimes my first thought is:
who cares what other people think?
(guess that’s pretty american,)

you could say,
i have mixed feelings,

these are just stereotypes, i want to say.  americans
under scrutiny for always stereotyping and yet, we are
looked at under the same microscopes of
t u n n e l e d vision,

but the thing about stereotypes is that
they come from somewhere.

and that somewhere, is usually an
e x p e r i e n c e,

interactions with americans through the
filters of social media and hollywood
starlight, perception just a fine wine
through rose tinted g l a s s e s,

i’m not saying people haven’t had these encounters,
but i wonder, how much is missed in translation?
is pushy just a tendency for being direct?
is self-confidence painted as arrogance?
different cultures value different traits,

what if instead of looking at one another
through the lens of where we are, we tried
to see where people are coming from?

sometimes, i get defensive. i want to point out
my own impressions of other people, places,
cultures, from my own experience,
(the sum of my own s t e r e o t y p e s)-

i’m standing now. we’re all standing.
a bunch of jackasses in a circle.
– rocket, guardians of the galaxy.

you know, i don’t think i’m any kind of exception.
i know a lot of people who are told the same thing:
you’re different than [my perception of] most
americans. but what if we aren’t different?
what if we are most americans?

//i met someone from hiroshima
and all i could say was
i’m sorry

(let me tell you,
that was just awkward for both of us)

sometimes i feel like a diplomat,
not only of my own patch(es) but a quilt i
don’t even know myself. a diplomat of america,
christianity, and i have to be careful;  afraid to misrepresent,

and there are days i just want to
be myself without this weight, there
are days i just want to say:
i’m from canada(!)

having the privilege of meeting such a variety
of people from around the world, to learn from them
and their experiences, and take a moment to look at
myself and my country through their microscopes,

it’s a reminder.

america has been a center stage actor,
under the spotlight for decades now,
but with great power comes not only
great responsibility
but also accountability

you can’t be on the stage if you don’t
want an audience,

and i need to consider how many times i tint
the windows with stereotypes and taint my views
of other places and people, because it’s so
e a s y to do –

and i don’t want to do that.
i don’t want it done to me.

a matter of opinion,

//you hypocrite, first take the plank out of
your own eye, and then you will see clearly to
remove the speck from your brother’s eye,
matthew 7:5

but anytime we are faced with a stereotype, it should
give pause to self-reflection. of myself, of others,
of my fellow citizens of america: what does it mean,
to be an american?

but more than that,
what does it mean to be human?

and am i the person i want to be?
so that next time i say i’m from america,
maybe it will be a chance for others to
look again, a fresh perception perspective.