weary,

weary [adj]: reluctant to see or experience more of;

worn out, a pair of old tennis shoes falling apart.

the thing is i don’t want to go home

but i don’t want to be h e r e ,

(i do, i do, i do)

i am like a desert owl,

like an owl among the ruins

//psalm 102:6

it’s hard. these last nine months have been

full of blessings, and this month in particular

is so good: our host, our ministry, our t i m e ,

and yet,

all i feel

is t i r e d.

from the ends of the earth i call to You

 i call as my heart grows faint

lead me to the rock that is higher than i

//psalm 61:2

the world is full of pain and suffering

the magnitude of the problems are

overwhelming and how can i, how can i,

someone who has this incredible opportunity,

how can i dare say i’m tired when there are people

sick, dying, trafficked, impoverished and starving –

(&the thing is i’m kind of self centered).

a bruised reed He will not break

a smoldering wick He will not snuff out

//isaiah 42:3

right now? right now i can’t see

how it’s possible to face this next week

let alone another two. more. months.

(but it isn’t two more months -)

it’s an entire lifetime

(we’re lifers, here till the e n d )

 we are called to service above self

to love others and put ourselves second

and that’s a journey, every day is different and

i want to – but sometimes…

sometimes i’m just tired.

and right now,

i’m w e a r y.

praying for that second wind

to wash over me and fill my lungs

with a breath of fresh a i r

when i said my foot is slipping

Your unfailing love, Lord, supported me

when anxiety was great within me

your consolation brought me joy

//psalm 94:18-19

so what does it look like to keep going

when all you want to do is lay down?

(just leave me here to die)

stand up, stand up, stand up!

walk, walk, walk.

that’s what He says, that’s what He keeps telling me.

we are supposed to find our rest

in God – but how can He be enough?

(i don’t know).

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength

they will soar on wings like eagles

they will run and not grow weary

they will walk and not grow faint

//isaiah 40:31

so i’ll keep walking.

close my eyes, wait for the wind,

ready to feel the l i f t .

this is only part of the r a c e

the 11 month leg, but there’s more

(so much more)

and i want to finish strong.

let us not become weary in doing good

for the proper time will come and we

will reap the harvest

if we do not give up

//galatians 6:9